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Aardvarks in Love (05/08/2007)

released: May 08, 2007

description: Joe Trainer is the lowly nerd who trains and cares for the aardvarks in a zoo just outside Dallas. Despite a lack of glamor, he loves his job and the animals. However, after the grisly death of lion trainer Steven Jones at the hands of his superstar lion, zoo manager Sandra Harper closes the place down. Joe finds himself without a job, and sadly leads his two aardvarks back to his apartment.

There, Joe is visited by the spirit of Steven Jones, who informs him that he must reopen the zoo, as children are running rampant on the streets without zoology to inspire and calm them. Joe argues that the aardvarks are not enough of a draw to reopen the zoo, to which Steven replies that Joe will of course be the new lion keeper.

The next day, Joe wanders the streets and sees overwhelming evidence that children are acting out to displace their need to see animals in natural environments. Finally, in his wanderings, Joe finds a man waiting for him. That man is Sergio, the greatest trainer of lion trainers there is. Sergio challenges Joe to take over for Steven and save the zoo. When Joe protests that lions are too different from aardvarks, Sergio tells him that he will teach him. He orders Joe to meet him at Texas Stadium the next morning. Joe is haunted in his sleep by the voice of Steven, and wakes knowing what he must do.

The next day, Joe finds Sergio again waiting for him, but this time with a menagerie of challenges. First, Sergio demands Joe herd cats. Joe struggles, but once he discovers the secret to win their trust, he has the cats at his beck and call. Next, Joe is instructed to fight a giant porcupine. Once he succeeds at this task, Sergio shows him to the lion cage holding Botswana Betty, the lioness responsible for the deaths of five zoo keepers and several whales. As a final challenge, Sergio douses Joe in zebra blood. Despite all odds, Joe once again wins the animal's trust. Joe then climbs aboard Betty and rides off to save the zoo.

At the zoo's gates, a mob of angry parents are protesting out front, demanding it reopen. Sandra tries to placate them by promising a puppet show, but that won't satisfy them, and the parents thus decide to murder Sandra. Just then, Joe rides up on Botswana Betty and tells the angry mob that he will perform a show in which he conquers all manner of wild beast, found both in nature and mythology. The crowd decides to refrain from killing Sandra for the moment to see if the show does indeed deliver.

In the zoo's amphitheater, the bloodthirsty crowd gathers, waiting to see Joe kill or be killed. It is clear to everyone that Joe's training has paid off. First, Joe uses the power of attention and seduction to bend a viper and a python to his will. He uses the two serpents to defeat a grizzly bear and a griffin. Finally, after a brief tussle, an alligator folds to Joe.

After this triumph, Joe becomes the new star attraction at the zoo with Botswana Betty. He marries Sandra in a ceremony ordained by Botswana Betty. Children in the city celebrate a return to exposure to live animals, thanks to Joe Trainer.

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