Best of Unemployment - Day 3

by len

For my third day, I considered tackling an important world issue….the distressing calls by Iran for the destruction of Israel. 

But then I came across these awesome new lottery tickets from the Illinois lottery - Holiday Countdown!!!  Oh my God, these new tickets are the best thing going!  You know how lottery tickets are normally the size of a business card or two?  Well, brother, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!  These suckers are like 6 inches wide by 8 inches long…..and it’s not just a game, it’s an experience!

You know those Christmas decorations where you open one window for each of the days leading up to Christmas, and then Christmas itself?  It’s designed like that - you open each window and then you scratch the spot underneath to reveal a holiday symbol like a skate, a snowman, a sled, etc.  If you match three, you win a prize of up to $1,000,000!!!!!

Plus, there’s a separate bonus game that allows you to match three prize amounts and still win money if you weren’t able to match the symbols.  The best part is that the tickets are only $15 each - much cheaper than spending a fortune at the Caribbean Stud Poker table of your local casino!!!

But you better hurry, because these tickets are only around for a limited time!!!

Speaking of around for a limited time, let me touch on the Israel thing I brought up earlier.  I haven’t been following this too closely because these Holiday Countdown tickets take at least five minutes each to complete if you play them properly.  But as I understand it, President Ahmadrashad of Iran is a hard-line guy who is calling for the destruction of the Jewish state and even has assembled a panel of “scholars” from around the world to discuss whether the Holocaust actually happened.  This panel is likely suspect, as I read it includes former KKK leader David Duke.  Now I know Mr. Duke has impressive credentials (he founded Duke University, where his teachings continue today), but I doubt they will reach a truly impartial decision with people like him on board.

In addition to these credibility issues, I must question the credibility of President Ahmadrashad.  I am a little more qualified to speak on this than the average joe because I followed this man’s career extensively in the 90’s when he hosted NBA Inside Stuff.   

I can certainly tell you he was never even the most credible person on this show - he consistently had to play second banana to people like former Olympian Summer Sanders and Willow Bay, who you might remember was the first American woman on the moon.  His schtick might play well over in Iran, but let me remind you, readers, that in America he’s been relegated to NBA Access and some other NBA TV crap, which can’t be good because it costs money to get.

Speaking of getting money, I just matched three skates!!!  That’s $20 in my pocket, chieftain!   


  1. jorin Says:

    Oh man, awesome. And I love the idea of Advent Calendars catering to the dicier lifestyle. Somebody should do one with whiskey shots.

  2. ryan Says:

    wasn’t the president of iran married to bill cosby’s tv wife?

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