I was putzing around on YouTube and I found my FAVORITE Christmas commercial of all time. I haven’t seen it for a few years now and since I found it I’ve probably watched it 10 times. It is an ad for Eat’n Park (also - my first job, I was a bus boy for about 3 months) a restaurant chain in the Pittsburgh area. Why isn’t it called Park’n Eat, as that would make a lot more sense? I don’t know the answer to that one, but idiotic naming of the place aside, this commercial (which is at least 20 years old) is simple and timeless.]]>
I hate to admit this, but this past weekend I was flipping through the channels and I found myself in the middle of a Bill Engvall Show marathon. I love watching shitty tv, so I decided to watch an episode and revel in how bad it really was. It had to be bad…this is the sentence TBS uses to describe it: "about a family counselor whose own family could probably use a little counselling themselves."
This seemed like the perfect recipe for suck. I must say, though, I really didn’t mind it. It isn’t good, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that…it isn’t as awful as I’d hoped. I hate to say that it is watchable, but it is. As a matter of fact, I really hate to say that I ended up watching back to back episodes. The supporting cast is really good: Tim Meadows, Nancy Travis (I had the biggest crush on her when I was a kid), and Bryan Doyle Murray. The plots are as recycled as ever: in the two episodes I watched Bill had a mid-life crisis and wanted a motorcycle; and then Bill’s teenage daughter started dating a 19 year old. Maybe it is the familiarity of the plots and that the characters are all easily identifiable that makes me have such a luke warm reaction to this show. It is mindless and not that funny…I guess it is just ok enough to make me leave it on TBS. Even worse, if it is on while I’m flipping the channels, I’m going to end up watching it again.
I guess that means that I kind of like Bill Engvall. Now there are only two members of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour that I don’t like (Ron White had me at hello). Get to work Larry the Cable Guy and Foxworthy. Especially you Larry the Cable guy…I think you suck…a lot.]]>
Marino was so freakin’ gangster.
I’m going to have to give Starbucks a pass. There is something about getting off of the bus, walking through the cold and getting a nice warm coffee served in that holiday cup. I’ll simplify:
cold weather = sucks
red holiday cups/Christmas season= good
I think that winter really gets depressing when January rolls around and all of the fun of Christmas/celebrating is behind us. We are faced with the reality of three cold, bleak months ahead of us. Worst of all, Starbucks goes back to their white cups.]]>
Incredible. Our foods have become so overprocessed, obviously binding most of us up, that we have to add a natural culture to it to mimic what food should do in the first place. Amazing! You know what should make you poop? Food. Period. If a culture is needed to help you become regular, maybe you shouldn’t be eating it in the first place.
I think we are compounding the problem a bit. All of these processed foods are not good for us (obvious, and, for the record I am just as guilty for eating it — processed foods that is, not Kraft cheese. Kraft cheese tastes like crap), they are wreaking havoc on our insides. Our bodies aren’t used to having to digest all of these chemicals. A sensible person might offer the solution of maybe abondoning the process and trying to make a food without said chemicals. Maybe try making said product the way it has been made for the last 500 years – I haven’t heard of many Europeans trying to find cures for constipation. Luckily our friends at Kraft have found a better way. I guess my solution could mess with shelf life/means of production. We keep the processed food and add a natural culture. Perfect. Problem solved. We can eat all of the processed crap we want and poop like they pooped in the old days. Awesome.
That frustrates me just as much as the heartburn/antacid ads that show a fat guy eating a chili cheese dog and the suffering he experiences post consumption. But wait fat guy, here take this pill before you eat your chili cheese dog. There…how’s that fat guy? Better? Now you can eat all of the chili cheese dogs you like and you won’t have to feel that burning sensation in your heart. Just one thing fat guy, that terrible binding pain you are feeling is your body trying to tell you something. See, your heart is working really hard and that pain is a message to your brain letting you know that…ah, nevermind. Just pop another pill and go for a slice of chocolate cake.
I think it should read: "i don’t quit, but I do suck at running marathons".]]>
I think I should actually start complaining, out of respect for the title of this thing. A source of frustration every Sunday feels like a good place to start.
Rich Gannon: this guy drives me nuts. I’m just glad that he is announcing lower tier games. If I had to listen to him every week I’d off myself. There are many announcers who do a worse job then him…my reason for hating him can be summed up in one word - "athletic". Gannon CANNOT for the life of him get it right, but he says it one hundred times a game and it pisses me off each and every time. He always says "athaletic". Athaletic? Really? Hey, all of the CBS producers and directors; your on air guy sounds like a moron. Does one of you maybe want to tap him on the shoulder and let him know that he is adding a syllable? Until this is resolved, I consider all of you a bunch of assaholes.
Peyton Manning: he is in way too many commercials. Amazingly enough I can’t find a conflict of interest, but still…Is he really the only NFL player that advertisers feel comfortable with? I get it, he’s a dopey looking everyman that most of America can identify with. I like him, both on and off the field. He’s a good player blah, blah. I’m just sick of seeing him in everything (although his old Master Card commercials where he cheered "regular" people always made me laugh). Just don’t put Tom Brady in any commercials. That guy is a douche bag.
Shannon Sharpe: I don’t understand every two out of three words he says. Period. He can’t talk, so naturally CBS puts him behind a desk for 7 hours every Sunday.
Finally, the Dolphins. Another new coach, another new quarterback, another really bad season. Maybe next year, right? When the average age of our "great" defense is 42.
Oh, wait I almost forgot about Nick Saban. That guy is a giant liar and, more importantly, a quitter. Have fun in Alabama Nick. I hope you get fired.
I did have the opportunity to try a beef tongue taco (I don’t know why I’m wording it that way. It is a cow tongue, right? I guess saying beef distances it a bit from what it really is…) and this time I didn’t back down.
When I ordered it I was uncomfortable. This was a food that genuinely disgusted me from the outset and I hadn’t even seen the finished product yet. I rationalized by thinking it would be prepared in a way that would allow it to look like something other than what it was. Maybe a bunch of tomatoes and onions and the tongue diced up. I thought they had to do something along those lines, why else would someone order it?
Much to my dismay, the waiter set down the dish in front of me and I had flashes of Fear Factor running through my head. The tongue was boiled, sliced in 1/2" pieces and piled high on a open faced tortilla. There was some sort of red sauce on top, but it barely covered any of the meat. It still looked very much like boiled, sliced tongue. You get any other taco and they put lettuce, tomato, sour cream and cheese - lot’s of fixin’s. Not a one damn fixin’ on my tongue taco it was plain as can be. I decided that the sooner I picked it up and started eating it, the less time I would have to look at it, so that’s what I did.
The results: the taco was not good. I’m struggling to find the words to describe the taste of the tongue. The meat was soft and chewy and I can’t think of anything that it even remotely tasted like. I think it may have just been in my head, but I was convinced it tasted sweaty. I made it about halfway through the taco before I decided to stop. I think 1/2 of a tongue taco is enough to experience the full range of flavors that nasty thing provided.
I’m glad that I gave it a shot, but I can’t say I’ll be rushing out to try cow tongue again any time soon. I told Jorin — who was a the Mexican Restaurant with me — that while I was eating it, I kept thinking that it was like I was French kissing a cow (which was grossing me out further). Jorin then replied "You’re French kissing a cow like a serial killer would."]]>
I am a reformed picky eater. I’ve spent the majority of my life eating very plain, ordinary, and safe things. Then I read this. Anthony Bourdain’s attitude toward food completely changed my own. I went from not wanting to try anything, to wanting to try EVERYTHING. I like challenging myself, that’s what I’ve got so far (I have recently backed down from an opportunity to try a beef tongue taco and a pigskin taco — maybe one day).
This past weekend I welcomed two new foods into my body for the first time. I had oysters at Shaw’s Crab House (this place was really awesome. I also tried some of my Stepfather’s Alaskan king crab — I had to see what "the deadliest catch" tasted like. Turns out, pretty good) and a cannoli at my cousin’s house the following day. Here’s what I learned: I like, really like oysters. I didn’t see this coming. I planned on forcing the half dozen that I got down and crossing it off of the long list of stuff I haven’t tried. I couldn’t believe that they tasted really good. I actually chewed the slimy sons of bitches instead of just shooting it like I originally planned. On to the cannoli. Being half Italian I know it’s probably considered some sort of sin that I’ve never tried them. I’m not really big on desserts, especially creamy ones. After trying one on Sunday, I could say that I am in no hurry to revisit this one. It was rich (too rich), creamy (too creamy) and just overall not very good (everybody at my cousin’s house were making comments about how good they were, so I’m not dealing with shitty pastry here).
Funny thing about food/taste buds I guess. I never would have thought that I would have liked oysters more. So…I learned something about me this weekend. I think I want to try tripe next. Something that really stretches my culinary boundaries.
I will always hate, I mean really hate mayonnaise. Any food made with that gross, fluffy shit is persona non grata in my belly.]]>